What do you see in my eyes?

Fear. There is fear in her eyes. Fear of what? Fear of whom? Fear of me? Fear of getting close? Fear of being exposed?

Exposure of what? Of her feelings? Of her soul? Of her ordinariness?

A woman so strong on the outside and yet so uncomfortable around me. A woman who could be my mother, who could teach me about life, prefers to avoid my presence.

Why? I don’t want anything from her, only warm friendship.

Even silence is beautiful when it’s shared.

I have to ask, „What happened to us humans that we’re afraid of connecting with each other?

We grew up in a society that taught us if we wanted to be accepted in a group, we had to behave in a certain way. From an early age, we understood that showing our true feelings was undesirable.

How many times did I hear from my mother, „Don’t cry, it is a shame,“ without understanding what was humiliating about crying itself. I was just a little girl whose soul yearned for understanding, not rejection. Instead of getting a hug, I was excluded from the group every time I refused to deny my emotional nature.

„Go to your room and calm down,“ you surely remember this sentence.

Why did adults find crying a nuisance? A sign of weakness. But for whom? For a child expressing herself freely? Or for an adult frightened of the strength of feelings?

„Don’t scream. Don’t be a disgrace,“ my child’s joy was suppressed, without understanding what was shameful about expressing ordinary mirth. People wanted to rejoice, after all, or was I mistaken?

„Don’t be angry. It’s a sin,“ I was not allowed to express disagreement and defend my own needs and the truth. Making decisions for myself, not for the benefit of the group, was unacceptable. „Selfishness is also a sin.“ Is understanding and expressing my needs selfishness?

„Brave children are not afraid,“ I was not allowed to be afraid of pain, the unknown or failure, and so I pretended to be bold under all circumstances. I did not ask for help and silently coped with everything by myself, even though inside I was full of gnawing fears and doubts. Since when does a child have to be courageous? And yet it is adults who avoid pain and reject everything new, unknown and foreign.

Surely you remember.

We are a generation of children who have learned to put feelings into good box and bad box. We learned which feelings we are allowed and not allowed to feel. We learned that expressing feelings is undesirable.

However, the truth remains, there are no good or bad emotions. It is only our rejection of the variability, imperfection and transience of human life. (veriebility,tranziens)

The anxiety that someone will see through our true nature, which is full of pain, fear, greed, but also irrational love, keeps us in the distance. But do we have to hide pain, reject fear, defend greed and suppress love for someone to accept our friendship without conditions and simply like us in the way we are?

I can’t help but ask, what has happened to us humans that we hide who we really are, even from those closest to us?

I am an ordinary woman full of fear, worries, doubts, pain and love, who longs to know the strength and depth of true friendship. But true friendship is full of feelings. That is why true friendship is the treasure of all treasures. Hopefully, there will be someone who also desires to admire its beauty together with me.