Do you remember?

My body was shaking and my muscles were in one big spasm. The blood rushed to my head so violently that I was afraid that my brain would explode under the pressure in my skull like jam in a pressure cooker. I gasped for breath,

but my throat was tight, and my lungs were without air. I thought, „Maybe I’ll suffocate because of you.“ Nothing was as painful as my heart cramp trying in vain to relax and pump blood through my body again. The pain was so intense that I thought,“ If the heart squeezed itself tighter it would burst out like a tomato in a clenched palm,“ and the blood would spread into the bowels of my body and flow like the juice of a burst tomato between my fingers down my palm.

Today, I can be at home in a warm bed reading a book or on a peaceful morning walk when, for no reason, there is a prick in my heart. Sometimes, just three slight pricks in a row, and at times it lasts for a painful five minutes. It’s called broken heart syndrome. It serves as a reminder, perhaps, that I don’t forget the promise I made to myself years ago.

20.04.2026, Moulton, United Kingdom

19.04.2026, Moulton, United Kingdom

19.04.2026, Northwich, United Kingdom

20.04.2026, Winsford, United Kingdom

Our first Valentine’s Day and I felt like my heart was going to burst with grief. I had no idea that emotional pain could be so physically painful. A broken heart was just a lyric in a romantic song for me, until you have showed me your face. Was it indifference? Or punishment? And for what?

Breaking up on Valentine’s Day. A great gift of love and respect for the woman who gave you her heart. Do you remember?

I have never told you that you have broken my heart for the first time. I was afraid and ashamed because society constantly tells us that men want strong women, emotionally healthy women. But what does it mean to be an emotionally healthy woman when the man I loved, despite his flaws and for whom I always had sympathy, wanted me to be his version of Magdalene?

I have forgiven you.

Even now, four years later, at the mere memory, my heart aches and tears well up in my eyes.

The week before Christmas it have happened again. Do you remember? And why did it happen? Because of a pointless argument about whether we should eat meat or not, just because I had a different opinion which I defended.

You were silent. You didn’t answer my phone, nor respond to my messages, but all I needed was reassurance that everything was okay. You knew I lived far from family and friends and yet you left me alone on Christmas while you and your family unwrapped presents under the christmas tree.

I have realized, even though I didn’t want to admit any of it, how selfish and cruel you were. I have forgiven you but with a promise to myself that it would be the last time.

I didn’t tell you anything about my broken heart then either. I knew that words were useless because I understood that you never listened to me.

You have never wanted to see me, so when it happened the third time, I was afraid of losing the feeling of love, but I was more afraid of betraying myself. I had to choose. You? Or me? You know the answer even though I have never said it out loud. I was silent. No phone call, no text. I was waiting for you to show me how much you cared about me. Then, after a couple of weeks, I have stopped waiting. Do you remember?

Instead of panic, sadness, and despair, a feeling of relief and peace came. I have chosen myself, and without realizing it at the time, I have begun the process of self-healing. No, it’s not just a lyric in a romantic song. It’s a reality that I live.

If there is no man here to love me in my imperfect way, I choose the life of a single woman.

Do I hear anyone say that a woman of my age shouldn’t live alone without a man? Maybe you think there’s something wrong with me even though you won’t say it straight in my face. After all, you’re not that far from the truth. I still feel sad about it and sometimes I cry.

And once in a while I feel sadness, pain, peace, and joy all at once.

Maybe one day, when I forgive myself for allowing you to walk into my life, the sadness and pain will be gone forever, and only a memory will remain.

Yes, this pain is part of me too. And this pain is beautiful despite its hardness.